Monday, June 30, 2008

America, Fuck Yeah!

In celebration of our nation's independence this week we at P&C are throwing our weight behind one presidential candidate who we feel is best suited to lead the world and convert as many foreigners to the ways of America as possible. Basically, our endorsement considerations boil down to an extended game of "Who would win in a fight". This is how it turned out...

1. Old Man v. Black Man = Black Man
2. Hawaiian Born v. Panamanian Born = Panamanian Born, Panamanians are skilled fighters based on years of canal defense. Hawaiians are just fat pansies who like to give flowers away.
3. Irish/Scots Ancestry v. Kenyan/Kansasian Ancestry = Irish/Scots, cause we all know that those Red headed, Red blooded, Stout sipping Eire people are gifted with fisticuff talent. However, Africans just kill people when they want, ever see Blood Diamond?
4. Illinois v. Arizona = Illinois, for some reason Illinois seems more thuggish than Arizona. Maybe because our family van once got broken into there or maybe because I have always associated Chicago with Al Capone. Who does Arizona have? Linda Rondstadt
5. P.O.W. v. Low Income Housing Advocate/Attorney = Come on, Six years of torture in a Vietnamese prison versus bad cups of coffee and the occasional homeless guy masturbating outside your office. Winner, P.O.W.
6. Cripple v. Smoker = Gotta go with the Smoker on this one.
7. Democrat v. Republican = Considering most Republicans carry semi-automatic weapons to the grocery store we're going with Republicans.
8. This guy v. This guy. Going with this guy.
9. Married to This v. Married to This = We like This.
10. v.

Although the results are tight, it seems that Barack Obama has won the P&C Presidential "Who Would Win in a Fight?" endorsement gauge. Therefore, after thoughtful opining sessions and meticulous question asking Pimpin and Crimpin is happy to announce that it officially endorses Barack Obama as its candidate of choice for Master and Commander of the World!


C-note said...

Brilliant, fucking brilliant!

Superhero Complex said...

Ever been in a fight with a Hawaiian? Doubtful. Those motherfuckers are fierce.

wig said...

zack, the Hawaiians in forgetting sarah marshall were ACTORS.