Limit's Lampoon

Yesterday was Tuesday which means that according to our new editorial schedule I'm supposed to rant about something. Today is Wednesday, which means I'm already late. At first, I didn't think this rant thing be a problem. I hate things, people and ideas a plenty. But as I sat down to begin my weekly lampoon, I had an epiphany. In my moment of self discovery, I realized that I hate at random with neither cause nor justification. So if you were expecting civil debate and an argument grown from pure reason, go get yourself some Kant.

This weekend I went to a rave/techno dance party. I drank, I danced, I played with balloons and glow sticks did all the other shit you would expect from a proper rave. If you're from Berlin that probably sounds like a blast. I'm usually as psyched as the next girl about a good dance party and there is nothing I love more than a good dirty hip hop beat. The only thing I hate worse than Techno Rave/Ambient music is dancing to it. Now here's the thing. I go to dance clubs because I want to feel cool. And how cool can you feel cool dancing to a genre who's primary enthusiasts are smelly, sickly white Germans who haven't showered in weeks or cut their hair in years and look like they've just come from a 73 hour Would of Warcraft marathon session? And besides that the shit is monotonous, the repetitious and has three stuttering lyrics. And well, shit. Let's be honest here. What I really hate is the lack of bling. Honestly, a flash drive hanging from my neck? bitch pleze.

And when it comes down to it, that's why I love hip hop. It's not the beats or the baddass lyrics. I just love the bling. Diamonds, shoes, medallions, rings, grills and rock. How can you not love that?

Now just for the record, I don't think techno is entirely worthless. It does have one proper purpose--Hacking. I can't hack to save my life. But you play me some Prodigy, Orbital or some Underground, I'll could probably get you into the inner workings of the NSA. What techno is not good for is dancing. I don't give a shit how many flash drives you have.